It sounds a bit like a conspiracy theory: the government released huge numbers of ladybugs (or Multicolored Asian Lady Beetles) and now they swarm into people's houses. Turns out, it's true, if this story is to be believed.

Also, I had no idea that the origin of the name 'ladybug' had anything to do with the Virgin Mary.

2 comments | link

Check it out: our little experiment made it into the Journal of Bunk and Pseudoscience. So exciting!

5 comments | link

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, my company is seriously flattered. Over the past few months, we've been ripped off by several companies -- the daily email we send out has been copied and presented by other people as their own. Our glossary of terms has been copied and edited to remove any mention of our company and pasted up by another company who claims to have "developed a summary of frequently used terms." I think "developed" in this case means "copied and pasted." That's okay, at least they're not passing off our proprietary information as their own anymore. At least it appears that way -- there's really no way to be certain.

What I don't understand is where they get the nerve to do this. I mean, there's a part of my brain that knows there are plenty of people out there with dubious business ethics, but I can't imagine going to someone's site, copying and pasting their source code into a page of my own and passing it off as something I've created. What a bunch of shysters.

4 comments | link

If you celebrate anything around this time of year, whether it's the solstice or Christmas or Hanukkah or Kawanza or Chaka Khan or anything else, I wish you a jolly one. Failing that, Happy December.

9 comments | link

It was when she told me that she wants to poison a lot of people that I really wanted to leave the bathroom. I was just trying to blow my nose and leave, but she kept talking to me, this random stranger who felt the need to drunkenly confess her homicidal wishes.

Oh, it started off innocuously enough. It always does.

"Are you having a good holiday?" she asked as she walked in, stepping past me to get to the lone stall in the tiny little bathroom.

I lowered the toilet paper I was going to use to blow my nose and told her that I was. "You?" I asked.

She told me that her holiday season was okay, but that she was "babysitting this guy" who is a friend of the family. I didn't ask exactly what that meant. I raised the toilet paper to blow my nose again when she asked if I was a student.

Lowering the toilet paper, I said, "Nope. Just here playing some pool."

"I don't play much pool, but I really like darts," she said. "They're really good for taking out frustrations." She began to mime the aiming of darts, narrowed her eyes, and said, "Take that motherfucker" to the imaginary dart board or maybe to the image of the person into whose forehead she'd most like to sink the end of a steel-tipped dart.

This was no ordinary bathroom conversation.

"I'm a nurse," she said. She was shorter than me by a good six or so inches, but she lowered her chin so that she was looking up at me even more. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "I want to poison a lot of people."

I blew my nose and began backing toward the door. I'm not sure if I said anything, but she told me she wouldn't actually poison people. "I wouldn't want to lose my credential."

I think I said, "Yeah," as the door swung shut.

14 comments | link

I have a window seat at work, and I spend a fair amount of time looking out of it while I'm thinking or waiting for unit tests to run or just spacing out for a bit. All manner of people pass by on the sidewalk outside: yuppies, drug dealers, salespeople, retirees. I like to make up stories for them.

Of course, some people don't require as much making up of things as others. Like this one old woman who had a really loud cockatoo on her shoulder. She and the bird had a very prolonged conversation that started with the bird saying, "Bye bye."

"Bye bye," she replied.

"Bye bye."

"Bye bye."

"Bye bye."

"Bye bye."

She entertained a crowd of onlookers for a bit, telling them the bird's name and age, I guess. She probably also told them an amusing anecdote or two about the bird, whose name, I decided, is Shoo-shoo, because it's fun to say. Then she got in her car and let the bird wander around, crawling all over her and the car seats. She rolled down her window part way, lit a cigarette, threw out three pieces of trash, and drove away.

Today, I thought of her and started to wonder if she knows or is related to the HA HA DEVIL YOU MISSED!* lady. That would be so cool. Then I realized that the bird's name probably isn't Shoo-shoo at all. It's probably Devil.

* I wanted to link to this entry, which is about an ancient, slow-moving woman who had HA HA DEVIL YOU MISSED! written on her car door. Alas, I still haven't gotten the old archives up here. Soon. For real. I think.

4 comments | link

According to this handy little wheel o' fun, I only have a cold, not the flu. So that's good news. Achoo.

Also, Particleman asked what music I'm listening to lately, so I thought I'd answer that question:

In my car right now, I've got a mix CD that my friend, Matthew, made with about half Wilco songs and half other bands. It's good stuff.

At home, I last listened to some Schuman.

At work, the iTunes has lots of different stuff queued up. Mostly, I've been listening to Magnetic Fields and The Sheila Divine with some Yo-Yo Ma thrown in for good measure. I'm also going through a bit of a rediscovery phase, listening to lots of Peter Murphy and Bauhaus, which I haven't played for awhile. And Ransom reminded me of The Beautiful South and The Housemartins, so I've been listening to some of that, too.

11 comments | link

So, I realize I've been lame about updating lately. I'm sitting here staring out the window. My mind is blank. It would be very zen if I wasn't actually trying to think. Is there a story I can tell you? Perhaps some amusing anecdote from when I was a kid? Nothing comes to mind. Maybe something from my personal life? But I don't like talk about that too much here. I save that for the journal I don't let you read. Surely there's something I can tell you... Have I had any adventures lately? Most likely, but none stand out right now -- I'm groggy and missing my caffeine addiction. Perhaps I'm just not in the mood for the blogging.

I suppose I could wander around this thought train interminably, weaving in and out of all the types of thoughts I might have and still come up blank. An empty train, devoid of passengers. No luggage, no conductor, just a metaphor taken too far.

12 comments | link

I still think this is the funniest Onion article ever.

6 comments | link

Woo hoo! Sydney and Josh both finished their novels this year!! Congratulations, you two!

6 comments | link

I hope everybody had a happy Thanksgiving and an even happier You're Welcomegiving Day. I didn't manage to post in time, but my friend Howdy is working on a campaign to get the day after Thanksgiving accepted nation-wide as You're Welcomegiving Day. I think it's a smashing idea.

For Thanksgiving, I went with friends Jessie, Joe, and Paul to The Spare Room, a divey bar in Northeast Portland that used to be a bowling alley. Jessie and I arrived first and chose our booth. The toothpaste-colored bench seats are sloped at an angle that make it really easy to slide in, but difficult to get out. The waitress, an older, no-nonsense woman with exactly the dark sense of humor you want in a divey bar waitress approached our booth, saying, "Tell me you're not here for the turkey dinner."

"Oh yes we are," we said.

"Jesus Christ, you guys kill me." I loved her instantly.

We ordered vodka cranberry cocktails because, hey, cranberry is festive. And while we were on the topic of festive: "Do you have any old corn or little pumpkins to decorate our table?" I asked.

"You want some gourds?" she asked, in sarcastic disbelief (but still smiling, not bitchy).

"That would rule," we giggled. She walked away shaking her head. I was convinced there would be no gourds until...

"Here's your damn gourd," she said, slapping a little white gourd down on the table. She would later return with three others, but one was smushy so she threw it away.

Joe and Paul arrived presently. We ate our $6.95 turkey dinner and drank and even did a bit of swing dancing. After we felt we'd worn out our welcome at The Spare Room (there'd already been at least one shift change), we headed to Hollywood Bowl to knock down a few pins. All in all, it stands out as one of the best Thanksgivings ever.

4 comments | link